At the medical school's graduation ball last night, for medical students/soon to be doctors and their guests, and some faculty, most of whom are doctors, there were some speeches and presentations made. By far the biggest applause of the night, with a standing ovation from the whole room (about 170 people), and two giant bouquets of flowers, were not for any doctors at all, but for two nurses.
Two nurses who were both previously intensive care nurses and are now clinical skills facilitators, and teach us so much of what we need to know, and if any of us save the life of someone who's seriously ill in August, it will be thanks to them. In fact for many of us, passing all the exams and becoming doctors at all is thanks to them. Especially for us re-takers, as one of the two nurses oversees the re-take program and eggs us on through this tough few weeks.
They completely deserved their applause and flowers and all our thanks, and it made me think because doctors and nurses don't traditionally have the best relationship, and sadly the culture is still one were some doctors look down their noses at nurses, but last night there were over 100 new doctors with more gratitude and respect for two nurses than they've ever had for any doctors.
Hopefully we'll take that gratitude and respect with us into our many different hospital workplaces, and whenever we meet and work with other nurses, and particularly if we're frustrated or challenged by them, we'll remember the gratitude and respect we had for the two nurses who got us there.
Showing posts with label academia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label academia. Show all posts
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Thursday, 17 May 2012
The loveliest statistician (i.e. geek)
The other day I had an exam in the morning, it was two hours
long and a bit stressful. After joining the other half for lunch (amazing
chilli nachos), I spent the afternoon with a good friend. We spent about four
hours working on her medical dissertation project, which needed some
statistics. I have the statistics programme, SPSS, went to lots of statistics
courses last year (which I STILL have yet to be reimbursed for) and my
dissertation last year was basically all statistics, which I had to teach myself
and do myself, so I can sort of hold my own when it comes to medical
statistics.
Although it took a fair bit of brain-effort to recall
everything I’d forgotten over the past year, this came in very useful for my
friend. Her project has gone from having some percentages that look quite nice,
to having Chi-squared for trend with a p value less than 0.001 – to anyone who
knows research, that’s gone from “somebody found that the intervention probably
changed things a bit” to “they found that changes resulting from the
intervention were highly significant, with a less than one in 1000 possibility
that they were just caused by chance, therefore these interventions are good
and everyone should adopt them”. We also added in some nice standard deviations
because ranges should be left behind at Maths GCSE.
Surprisingly successful for a post-exam afternoon, where the
temptation to just slump is strong. Instead we spent hours fiddling with SPSS,
transferring her data from Excel to SPSS, making new data files, fiddling until
we found some results that meant something, were the right type of statistics,
and were reproducible for the rest of her data. But the worst of it is: I
really enjoyed it. I feel I shouldn’t admit to this. This is statistics after
all – possibly the most boring thing I’ve ever had to learn about throughout
both my medical and genetics degrees. It is the realm of geeks of the dullest
kind. I’m not going to deny my geekness, I did do a genetics degree after all,
but statistics geekery is a few steps too far; I am not that boring! Learning
about stats is mindnumbing, but actually implementing it, playing with SPSS sot
that you get something shiny and publishable – I’ll be honest, that is fun. It’s
experimentation, with useful results.
I feel I should embrace my inner stats-geek, and have a
potential idea: I’ll become a FREElance statistician, as a junior doctor. Here’s
the deal – you (consultant, researcher, clinician, nurse specialist, whoever) have
a research project that you hope will show something exciting, and you’ll want
to tell the world about it. I am an academic junior doctor, and I will do your
boring statistics for you. Give me your data, and I’ll give you the shiny
publishable results. If you ask nicely, I’ll even write your results up for you
(I like a nicely displayed table). I will not write anything else – your introduction
and discussion and all the wordy bits are yours alone (I hate writing). I’ll
write the paragraph on how I analysed the results, I’d have to really. And the
best bit: I’ll do all this for free. All I require is that you put my name on
your publication or conference abstract, after all, I will have contributed to
it.
And if you’re really organised, I can discuss your data
collection methods with you before you start, to ensure you’re collecting the
best data to get the best results.
Do we have a deal? What’s not to like?! I would love to know
if this would actually work in reality. If you (non-existent readers) know
anyone who needs some medical stats… Trying To Be A Medical Student is here to
help – you know where to find me.
Win-win situation: the researchers who don’t have time or
understanding or patience or SPSS get their statistics done for them, I get
more research experience, and I get published, which can only help my academic
career. And will add something non-gynaecology-related to my CV, and since that’s
not an area I plan to go into (never going to be a surgeon), that would be
useful.
Here’s to embracing the inner geek. And to helping friends out.
Sunday, 22 April 2012
I want to fail
Before I go much further, I should update this, that I failed one of the final exams this year. Taking the title of this blog literally – trying, but not succeeding, to be a medical student…
It was a big deal at the time (I wrote a blogpost about it in my head, entitled [insert list of expletives here] because that was how it felt) and a big stress involving an appeals process relating to a “procedural error” during the exam, which was not in any way caused by me but impacted considerably on me (and only me). The appeal took two months, but was eventually as successful as it was ever going to be (not necessarily as successful as I’d have liked) and I’m allowed to take the re-take as though it’s my first attempt. This has no effect on the actual resit itself, but means that if I fail it, the medical school won’t be able to kick me out as they otherwise might have been able to. It guarantees me a third go, were I to need one. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that, it’s already dragged on long enough.
So the advantage of this appeal result for now is simply in stress management – I should be less stressed going into it knowing that it’s not my last attempt, not a sudden death situation. And should therefore be more likely to do ok, at least that’s the theory.
(The other advantage is that it could, just possibly, be perceived as the medical school admitting responsibility for the “error” – which has not happened so far, and has not explicitly been said (quite the opposite, I was told it was one examiner’s fault and therefore not the medical school’s responsibility) but perhaps this appeal indicates that it was their responsibility. An apology would have been nice too, but I won’t ask for miracles.)
The re-take will be a three and a half hour long practical exam (as was the first one) at some point in June; I don’t anticipate finding out when any time soon – that would be far too useful.
So I have four final exams in the next four weeks, culminating in the massive scary practical one that expects me to know everything and prove I’m good enough to be a doctor. Which I’m not (obviously). Not yet anyway.
And then around four to six weeks after that, I’ve got the re-take of the one I’ve failed. Which is equally as big, but probably requires a bit less knowledge, and is re-learning what I learnt last time, rather than just learning, which is what I’m currently doing. And since I failed it by 3% last time, my chances can’t be too bad. And then about three weeks after the last exam (or medical placement or other medical school commitment, whichever comes later) I start work. I do six days of shadowing the junior doctor I’m going to take over from, and then on the 1st of August, same day as all the other junior doctors in the country, I start working properly.
Back to now: I very much wanted to pass all the exams in January. But this time around, I’m not sure if I care. Or even, I can see the benefits of not passing.
It would at least mean I get a break. If I fail something in May, if it’s a minor thing I might be able to re-take it in June with the other one. If it’s the major one I have to re-take in November, or re-take the year. If I fail more than one, I definitely re-take the year. Re-taking the year would not be fun – I haven’t particularly enjoyed it first time around, but I do have some friends in the year below (including a very good friend who is lovely), and I’d get through it, and maybe it would be good to understand what I’m seeing in practice, rather the see it and then understand later when it comes to revision/learning. Though that didn't apply to everything.
But the most important bit: if I failed in May and had to re-take the year, I would have no commitments between May and re-starting the year at the end of August. Three months with nothing. No commitments, nothing, just time to re-learn how to be a human being rather than a vile, miserable stressbag that is set to implode at any second. I like the idea of being a human being.
I know I said that I get three weeks off between end of exams and commitments, and starting work. Plenty of people could say that I’m lucky to get three weeks, that’s as much holiday as they get all year (and it’s not the only holiday I’ll get – I imagine I’ll have at least two weeks holiday from the job before the end of this calendar year). But those three weeks won’t fully be holiday. I’ll still be stressed for at least one week of it, or however long it takes for the medical school to give me my results. And I’ll be moving house, moving cities and finding somewhere to move to if I haven’t already found it by then. I’ll be moving away from the other half, which will be sad as it’s been quite nice living together again these last 6 months. Nice for me, not for him – I wouldn’t want to live with me at the moment.
So let’s say I get two weeks between getting my results saying I’ve passed and am allowed to be a proper doctor, and starting work. And though I intend to holiday then, though not quite sure of the details since other half’s job does not allow holiday in July or August (bit of a bummer when the only time properly off I’ve had this year has been one week in January and the three weeks in July. But a job is a job, so cannot complain), those two weeks will have some elements of stress to them.
For those that think that students doss around and being a student is a perpetual holiday, 2012 has mapped out thus: January – massive revision, final exams, one week off. February and March – full-time placements (full-time being around 8.30 til anytime between 3 and 8, minimum 4.5 days a week), three pieces of horrible written coursework case reports, compiling the horrendous and enormous student formulary, which is just a giant list of 180 drugs and everything you might want to know about them, and completing all the clinical skills for the year. Which I made difficult for myself by losing my skills book in December, and having to start all over again in February. April – one week of placement, one week full-time revision (“vacation” is a lie), two weeks organised revision with lectures etc, then final exams. May – final exams, one week off, which isn’t really when you have a re-take in June looming, then placements and/or intensive revision for the re-take. June – more intensive revision, re-take final exam, then more placements as required. I hope that makes clear that my requirement for some actual time off is not me being pathetic. The only time off I’ll have had all year, the only time off since August last year, was one week in January. Not enough to maintain sanity.
Anyway, my main point is that two weeks is unlikely to be enough to re-learn how to be a human being. Or to fully catch up on sleep and learn how to sleep properly again (I can't remember when I last had a good night's sleep). Especially not two weeks involving moving house and beginning to become slightly petrified about actually having people’s lives as my responsibility.
So failing and having three months off becomes more and more appealing. Which might explain my total and complete lack of motivation for revision and working and any kind of real exam preparation.
The other possibility is failing the big one and re-taking it in November, which would give me five months between the last June exam and the re-take in November, a little time to re-gain my sense of human. And the best bit – no commitments between November and the following July. Seven+ months in which to go nuts and have a great time, go travelling, well and truly re-learn how to be a human being and maybe even how to be a good one. Put it into practice.
The only reason not to go ahead with this genius plan is that I’d lose my academic foundation programme. Which is potentially my passport to whatever post-graduate training I want, and an overall good career. Seems a shame to forgo that. There’s also the issue that I’d have to do all of the exams all over again, but I think doing them a year later (or even five months later with the November option) and with some pre-existing knowledge, I’d stand a much better chance.
Maybe the academic place is a good thing, as it’s the only thing really keeping me going. Though it’s not doing a very good job of that at all, since I’ve been averaging less than two hours work a day this week. Admittedly there have been some revision lectures, and I spent yesterday at a revision course (watch this space for a review) but even so, an hour or two a day is pathetic. And nowhere near enough to pass the big ones.
But despite the incentive of the academic place, I can’t really bring myself to care. I imagine if I do fail, I’ll look back at this post with great regret and think about what an idiot I was. Whilst enjoying my three month long holiday, becoming a better person, and having a great time…
Maybe this is all just because I can’t in any way envisage myself passing (the last time I passed all my exams including practical ones was four years ago, and I’ve got a lot less good since then), so rather than dwelling on that negative, I’m looking for the silver linings in the, what currently feels inevitable, failure. It’s a shame the silver linings seem so tempting.
And that the academic programme isn’t as much of a carrot as I had hoped. Anyone have any tips on where to find motivation when all you need is some time off? I’ve already tried down the back of the sofa, and it wasn’t there.
(Feels a bit silly asking for tips, when no one's ever commented on anything in the year and a half history of this blog... maybe I need to find some readers, an audience. If you've read this, share it?)
It was a big deal at the time (I wrote a blogpost about it in my head, entitled [insert list of expletives here] because that was how it felt) and a big stress involving an appeals process relating to a “procedural error” during the exam, which was not in any way caused by me but impacted considerably on me (and only me). The appeal took two months, but was eventually as successful as it was ever going to be (not necessarily as successful as I’d have liked) and I’m allowed to take the re-take as though it’s my first attempt. This has no effect on the actual resit itself, but means that if I fail it, the medical school won’t be able to kick me out as they otherwise might have been able to. It guarantees me a third go, were I to need one. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that, it’s already dragged on long enough.
So the advantage of this appeal result for now is simply in stress management – I should be less stressed going into it knowing that it’s not my last attempt, not a sudden death situation. And should therefore be more likely to do ok, at least that’s the theory.
(The other advantage is that it could, just possibly, be perceived as the medical school admitting responsibility for the “error” – which has not happened so far, and has not explicitly been said (quite the opposite, I was told it was one examiner’s fault and therefore not the medical school’s responsibility) but perhaps this appeal indicates that it was their responsibility. An apology would have been nice too, but I won’t ask for miracles.)
The re-take will be a three and a half hour long practical exam (as was the first one) at some point in June; I don’t anticipate finding out when any time soon – that would be far too useful.
So I have four final exams in the next four weeks, culminating in the massive scary practical one that expects me to know everything and prove I’m good enough to be a doctor. Which I’m not (obviously). Not yet anyway.
And then around four to six weeks after that, I’ve got the re-take of the one I’ve failed. Which is equally as big, but probably requires a bit less knowledge, and is re-learning what I learnt last time, rather than just learning, which is what I’m currently doing. And since I failed it by 3% last time, my chances can’t be too bad. And then about three weeks after the last exam (or medical placement or other medical school commitment, whichever comes later) I start work. I do six days of shadowing the junior doctor I’m going to take over from, and then on the 1st of August, same day as all the other junior doctors in the country, I start working properly.
Back to now: I very much wanted to pass all the exams in January. But this time around, I’m not sure if I care. Or even, I can see the benefits of not passing.
It would at least mean I get a break. If I fail something in May, if it’s a minor thing I might be able to re-take it in June with the other one. If it’s the major one I have to re-take in November, or re-take the year. If I fail more than one, I definitely re-take the year. Re-taking the year would not be fun – I haven’t particularly enjoyed it first time around, but I do have some friends in the year below (including a very good friend who is lovely), and I’d get through it, and maybe it would be good to understand what I’m seeing in practice, rather the see it and then understand later when it comes to revision/learning. Though that didn't apply to everything.
But the most important bit: if I failed in May and had to re-take the year, I would have no commitments between May and re-starting the year at the end of August. Three months with nothing. No commitments, nothing, just time to re-learn how to be a human being rather than a vile, miserable stressbag that is set to implode at any second. I like the idea of being a human being.
I know I said that I get three weeks off between end of exams and commitments, and starting work. Plenty of people could say that I’m lucky to get three weeks, that’s as much holiday as they get all year (and it’s not the only holiday I’ll get – I imagine I’ll have at least two weeks holiday from the job before the end of this calendar year). But those three weeks won’t fully be holiday. I’ll still be stressed for at least one week of it, or however long it takes for the medical school to give me my results. And I’ll be moving house, moving cities and finding somewhere to move to if I haven’t already found it by then. I’ll be moving away from the other half, which will be sad as it’s been quite nice living together again these last 6 months. Nice for me, not for him – I wouldn’t want to live with me at the moment.
So let’s say I get two weeks between getting my results saying I’ve passed and am allowed to be a proper doctor, and starting work. And though I intend to holiday then, though not quite sure of the details since other half’s job does not allow holiday in July or August (bit of a bummer when the only time properly off I’ve had this year has been one week in January and the three weeks in July. But a job is a job, so cannot complain), those two weeks will have some elements of stress to them.
For those that think that students doss around and being a student is a perpetual holiday, 2012 has mapped out thus: January – massive revision, final exams, one week off. February and March – full-time placements (full-time being around 8.30 til anytime between 3 and 8, minimum 4.5 days a week), three pieces of horrible written coursework case reports, compiling the horrendous and enormous student formulary, which is just a giant list of 180 drugs and everything you might want to know about them, and completing all the clinical skills for the year. Which I made difficult for myself by losing my skills book in December, and having to start all over again in February. April – one week of placement, one week full-time revision (“vacation” is a lie), two weeks organised revision with lectures etc, then final exams. May – final exams, one week off, which isn’t really when you have a re-take in June looming, then placements and/or intensive revision for the re-take. June – more intensive revision, re-take final exam, then more placements as required. I hope that makes clear that my requirement for some actual time off is not me being pathetic. The only time off I’ll have had all year, the only time off since August last year, was one week in January. Not enough to maintain sanity.
Anyway, my main point is that two weeks is unlikely to be enough to re-learn how to be a human being. Or to fully catch up on sleep and learn how to sleep properly again (I can't remember when I last had a good night's sleep). Especially not two weeks involving moving house and beginning to become slightly petrified about actually having people’s lives as my responsibility.
So failing and having three months off becomes more and more appealing. Which might explain my total and complete lack of motivation for revision and working and any kind of real exam preparation.
The other possibility is failing the big one and re-taking it in November, which would give me five months between the last June exam and the re-take in November, a little time to re-gain my sense of human. And the best bit – no commitments between November and the following July. Seven+ months in which to go nuts and have a great time, go travelling, well and truly re-learn how to be a human being and maybe even how to be a good one. Put it into practice.
The only reason not to go ahead with this genius plan is that I’d lose my academic foundation programme. Which is potentially my passport to whatever post-graduate training I want, and an overall good career. Seems a shame to forgo that. There’s also the issue that I’d have to do all of the exams all over again, but I think doing them a year later (or even five months later with the November option) and with some pre-existing knowledge, I’d stand a much better chance.
Maybe the academic place is a good thing, as it’s the only thing really keeping me going. Though it’s not doing a very good job of that at all, since I’ve been averaging less than two hours work a day this week. Admittedly there have been some revision lectures, and I spent yesterday at a revision course (watch this space for a review) but even so, an hour or two a day is pathetic. And nowhere near enough to pass the big ones.
But despite the incentive of the academic place, I can’t really bring myself to care. I imagine if I do fail, I’ll look back at this post with great regret and think about what an idiot I was. Whilst enjoying my three month long holiday, becoming a better person, and having a great time…
Maybe this is all just because I can’t in any way envisage myself passing (the last time I passed all my exams including practical ones was four years ago, and I’ve got a lot less good since then), so rather than dwelling on that negative, I’m looking for the silver linings in the, what currently feels inevitable, failure. It’s a shame the silver linings seem so tempting.
And that the academic programme isn’t as much of a carrot as I had hoped. Anyone have any tips on where to find motivation when all you need is some time off? I’ve already tried down the back of the sofa, and it wasn’t there.
(Feels a bit silly asking for tips, when no one's ever commented on anything in the year and a half history of this blog... maybe I need to find some readers, an audience. If you've read this, share it?)
Friday, 16 September 2011
And the good news
All that stress and faff in June has paid off. Some important people (who must surely be of questionably sound mind) have decided that I am deemed trustworthy and responsible enough to be given a job. A real, proper doctor job. Where I have responsibility not just for patients, but for children (who are patients) - the academic focus is in Child Health. And whilst the location is unexciting (there are plenty of reasons why I rejected the offer to study medicine there!) and was far down my list of 3 areas, it's the only one I got interviewed for and it's a darn sight better than the mystery lucky dip that is MTAS. Writing the "white space" questions would be a thoroughly traumatic experience, and my chances of scoring well and being where I want to be would be very low. So here goes.. I'll be off to this new job in August next year for two years. First I have to decide what rotations to do in the first year, by Monday. Obs & Gynae or Intensive Care?
Just goes to show that forgetting to mention at interview that I'd been invited to present my research at an international conference is not the end of the world. And rambling on about a man in Wales who is a paediatric palliative consultant, paediatric oncologist, paediatrics lecturer and children's hospice doctor, and telling the panel which included a paediatric oncologist how I wanted that man's life, seemingly did not put them off. Maybe I just looked endearingly enthusiastic.
I also rambled on about my museum job (that I love), which seemed to go down well too - medicine is not everything!
Of course the whole "being a doctor" is a reason to pass finals, but having a specific, and good, job to go to does give extra incentive to pass everything. So I shall put that 30-40 hours in October that everyone else will be spending tearing their hair out about MTAS, doing purposeful things like revising and learning all about what a heart attack is, as I felt very stupid in teaching today.
All in all, I should be super duper excited about this. And not just excited about not having to do MTAS! I'm getting there. Though I found calling up home (family home) and telling dad, who has been out of work for 4 months without much success at jobfinding, "hey I've got a job!!!!!!!!!" a little awkward. It feels like it should be the other way round, him getting the job and me doing whatever I do. I know the family are all really happy for me though. Specially now they've worked out what the job is - took a little while, even though they helped with the applications!
I'm going to attempt to find the anaesthetist registrar who is conveniently now at the same regional hospital as me and give him a bottle of wine or something next week. Without him I wouldn't have stood a chance at the practical assessment.
There was conveniently a chocolate pudding in my flat which I combined with Torchwood for celebration, and bought myself a box of blueberries. Blueberries always bring happy memories, or a good time, I think they're well deserved today. Going out to celebrate would have been fun, but of the 3 friends I have who live in this city and aren't busy being doctors in other towns, one is on the other side of the world, one in London, and one busy, but the solitary celebration was still ok. And tasty.
Anyway, woop-di-doo for me.
Just goes to show that forgetting to mention at interview that I'd been invited to present my research at an international conference is not the end of the world. And rambling on about a man in Wales who is a paediatric palliative consultant, paediatric oncologist, paediatrics lecturer and children's hospice doctor, and telling the panel which included a paediatric oncologist how I wanted that man's life, seemingly did not put them off. Maybe I just looked endearingly enthusiastic.
I also rambled on about my museum job (that I love), which seemed to go down well too - medicine is not everything!
Of course the whole "being a doctor" is a reason to pass finals, but having a specific, and good, job to go to does give extra incentive to pass everything. So I shall put that 30-40 hours in October that everyone else will be spending tearing their hair out about MTAS, doing purposeful things like revising and learning all about what a heart attack is, as I felt very stupid in teaching today.
All in all, I should be super duper excited about this. And not just excited about not having to do MTAS! I'm getting there. Though I found calling up home (family home) and telling dad, who has been out of work for 4 months without much success at jobfinding, "hey I've got a job!!!!!!!!!" a little awkward. It feels like it should be the other way round, him getting the job and me doing whatever I do. I know the family are all really happy for me though. Specially now they've worked out what the job is - took a little while, even though they helped with the applications!
I'm going to attempt to find the anaesthetist registrar who is conveniently now at the same regional hospital as me and give him a bottle of wine or something next week. Without him I wouldn't have stood a chance at the practical assessment.
There was conveniently a chocolate pudding in my flat which I combined with Torchwood for celebration, and bought myself a box of blueberries. Blueberries always bring happy memories, or a good time, I think they're well deserved today. Going out to celebrate would have been fun, but of the 3 friends I have who live in this city and aren't busy being doctors in other towns, one is on the other side of the world, one in London, and one busy, but the solitary celebration was still ok. And tasty.
Anyway, woop-di-doo for me.
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