Hello again

Oh look, time flew, again. Didn't feel like it at the time, as I spent months solidly working. Paid off, in that omg can-you-believe-it I actually got an A in the essay that I had previously said I didn't stand a chance at. It turns out (yes, it has taken me 5 years of Higher Education to learn this) that the trick is to write a draft, and then revise and alter and add and edit it. Who knew?!? Unfortunately I spent a month discovering this, a month that would have been much better spent on writing the project that comprises 50% of the marks for this year (the essay was 40% of 25% so a lot less). The trick of doing well, it seems, is to get really into it. Ok, so I didn't really learn how to actually do something about anxious patients frequently attending, but I had a good think about it. And I learned that Sure Start centres can be pretty amazing! Shame they're being somewhat cut.

My over-riding feeling of the mega-project is that it was a bit shit, but largely cos everything I did in the last 24 hours before handing it in (an embarassingly large amount of it) was a bit shit. I think it will take a while, and probably the final result, before I can remind myself that everything I wrote in the 6 weeks preceeding was not a bit shit.
The fact that I'm presenting it at an international conference probably helps, though is significantly terrifying.

I spent much of the project saying "this is hell, I am never doing this ever again" but yet my life plan includes doing a Masters, and I am currently applying for academic research jobs. Nutter. At the same time, the feeling of "look, I found out something, and I did it all by myself!!" is kind of good, possibly motivating, and gives some kind of rational explanation of why I might be putting myself through it all over again. Though with something I'm much more interested in.

The academic foundation applications are hell, though I learned yesterday that the non-academic foundation applications are hugely hell-er. "Describe two cases you have seen, with the same diagnosis, the differences in their management, how they were managed by multi-disciplinary teams and what you learned from this, and how you would apply this learning to your work as a foundation doctor, and what learning needs you identified. In 5 words." Ok, I made that last bit up (well, I made it all up, but the rest is accurate), it's probably 150. But when the question is almost as long as the answer, you know you don't have much hope, unless you're a professional writer. Which I'm clearly not. It annoys me how much the application depends on writing skills and not doctor skills. Hand-writing skills would be more relevant than this!

The academic foundation applications involve talking a lot about achievements. I think if you're someone with a lot of confidence, that's going to help a lot with the application, even though it doesn't necessarily mean you're a better doctor.

Enough ranting.

Other half still living a hundred or so miles away, still applying for jobs where we supposedly live.

Social life still improving. Still haven't learned how to get people to leave at bedtime, but getting better at it.

Despite not feeling like I've done all that much clinical stuff other than sitting in corners of clinics, I am actually getting better at talking to people. Keep going with that I guess...
Not better at talking to children, since I haven't really met any all year, but crossing all fingers and toes and belly button (it's kind of crossed anyway) that I'll get back to Over the Wall (www.otw.org.uk) this summer, which will help greatly with that, but in a fun way. What else could I cross?!

Anyway, back to applications in which I pretend to believe in myself and my supposed capabilities.

I feel like I should talk about non-medical stuff too, but I can't think of anything right now, without going off on political rants, which wouldn't bring anything new to the debates anyway.